Hay We all have techniques we depend on to lift our spirits when we’re feeling down about ourselves or our lives.A while back I realized something about the ones I’d found most effective when struggling to forgive or accept myself: Many of them involved seeking validation from other people.Imagine that you meet somebody and you think that he likes you. Then it dawns on you that he is a taker and that he probably likes you because he sees that he can take advantage of you.You realize that he approves of you for a rather unflattering reason.You're giving your personal power away every time you seek validation from someone else for who you are.TRISH MACGREGOR, If you are an approval addict, your behaviour is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. BRAIKER, Man's desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, his dread of their censure so violent, that he himself has brought his enemy (conscience) within his gates; and it keeps watch over him, vigilant always in the interests of its master to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd. SOMERSET MAUGHAM, The conformist is filled with the need for approval. He runs from one person to another seeking compliments and endorsements for his behavior and actions.Some of my most effective mood-boosters included: These are all perfectly valid approaches to feeling better, but they all hinge on praise and external support.Getting help from others is only one part of the equation.
Learning how to use validation effectively takes practice. Being present means giving all your attention to the person you are validating.
One of the four options we have in any problem situation is acceptance.
Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. When your best friend or a family member makes a decision that you really don't think is wise, validation is a way of supporting them and strengthening the relationship while maintaining a different opinion.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise L.