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And I’ve had countless nice, decent, relationship-oriented guys tell me why it SEEMED like they really liked a woman but then bailed on her. I finally cobbled something together with the help of some friends.
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I can tell you what happened – if you’re ready to turn your love life around forever… I thought the list was so hysterical, that I included it in the first draft of my book. In all my years of dating, I never stopped to dissect the behavior of my female dates. Do I feel good about myself when I’m spending time with you? Which means that all of your amazing qualities may not even matter to him at ALL! You ran a half-marathon and raised twelve thousand dollars for leukemia? Understand, men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. I have another guy friend who has complained about not being able to have deep discussions with virtually every single girlfriend he has had.
You see, I have a unique perspective – I’ve not only dated hundreds of women (before I became happily married) but I’m a coach for both women and men. Suddenly, the editors were on the phone with a question: “Funny list, but what about a list for women? It’s not that I was above it; rather, I never even thought about it. You graduated summa cum laude from an Ivy League masters program? I think a lot of women reading your blog are concerned about more than just getting a 2nd date. And from the guys I’ve known, it seems that they care more about sexiness and lightness when it comes to deciding to have LTRs with women.
In my work as a dating coach, this is the number one complaint I hear. My friend Jen had sent me a list of over 300 things that men did wrong on first dates. You made partner in your fifth year and you have a time-share in Vail? Will you wake him on Sunday morning with chocolate chip pancakes and morning sex? It makes us feel secure and studly and all those things we rarely feel on our own. Once you get it, you will have a clearer, easier path to love – and a lifelong ability to understand and connect with men. It all starts with understanding what men are thinking. I have a male friend who criticized his ex-girlfriend because her grammar wasn’t as good as his.
You’re seeing a great guy and you THINK you’re getting close, but then he suddenly pulls away and you have NO IDEA what happened. She’d put it together in a few hours over a few glasses of wine with her girlfriends. Because when you compare the number of factors that determine whether a guy is date-worthy with the number of factors that determine whether you’re date-worthy, it’s night and day. Men ask two questions: Do I want to sleep with you? All of this is just a long way of stating what every man knows – and most women don’t: We are not nearly as concerned with your merits as much as how you make us FEEL. If you’re fun and easygoing, it makes us enjoy our time together. It makes us want to keep you around forever and ever. My husband has a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend because supposedly, she wasn’t up to his intellectual level.