Most of us truly want to validate our spouse when he or she is frustrated or hurting, but often we don't know how to offer validation or we start to give advice.I have usually found that if I validate Erin, she is able to work out her own emotional problems faster than if I give her advice.Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, debate, minimize, demean, judge or try to fix someone's emotions. When I first read through these invalidating statements, I cringed as I realized how many of the phrases I had used with my own loved ones — especially my wife, Erin.Counselors use the expression “gaslighting” to describe efforts to gradually manipulate someone into doubting his or her own reality or to trick a person into believing he or she is insane. Sadly, I'm sure I've sent the message to Erin that not only were her feelings wrong, but there was something wrong with her.
A study was carried out to assess the reliability and validity of the scale.
Validation is an opportunity to communicate that your spouse's heart and emotions are important to you, regardless of whether you agree or they make sense to you. " • "You are not being rational." • "It's nothing to get upset over.
When you validate your spouse, you recognize, value and accept his or her deepest thoughts, opinions, ideas, beliefs and emotions. You shouldn't let it bother you." • "You should be over that by now." That is a pretty sobering list.
Here are a couple of examples: You say to your friend, “It’s so hard to date in this town.” Your friend says, “You’re being so negative! This does not mean you feel the same way or you agree with their feelings or actions. You decide not to get sucked into his insanity and decide not take anything personally, which allows you to see where the other person might be coming from.
I found Richard right after my divorce.” You say to your husband, “Why didn’t you invite me to play golf? It simply means you could see where they’re coming from. ” This is Level Two Validation because he’s putting your name on his feelings of guilt. So you might say to him: “I can see how upset you are right now.” That’s all you have to say. I’m feel unheard, and could really use some validation right now.” Even though were invalidated by your husband — you want to validate the other person because the brain doesn’t know when you’re validating someone else or someone else is validating you.